Showing posts with label Laura Jane Grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Laura Jane Grace. Show all posts

Saturday, 8 October 2016

My Trans-Agenda: what is MY message?




Yes. It is true. There is a transgender agenda. It is pretty darn devious and malevolent. Here it is in a nut shell…


"We want to be left alone and have the same rights as everyone else."
 

I know, what arsehole we are right? 


What do I mean "the same rights as everyone else"? Well, here it is: the evil manifesto:

·       We want to walk down the street without being harassed

·       We want to try on clothes and accessories for the gender we identify with without giggles, without judgment, without a second damn though

·       We would like to just be left alone to express ourselves how we want

·       If we need it, yes, we may need medical help and we would like to have that without fighting for it as it is not our fault we are trans

·       Also, if possible, we would like to not be killed on a regular basis just for being trans

·       Oh, and can we pee in peace please? In the bathroom we identify belonging in and where we are less likely to have the living heck beaten out of us



So yes. What a list outrageous demands. But guess what, we are not hiding any more…




See, we do want to just get on with our lives. True, many folk may not understand what it means to be trans but does that really matter? I say I am a woman - does that actually impact you? If a gender fluid assigned male wants to wear a dress is that really an issue? If someone wants to be referred to as ze, zem, zir and have the title Mx, does it need to be a major problem? 


That said, sometimes we just want to be understood.  This can be super hard because the message that is put out there can be super mixed and it is no wonder folks find it hard to understand who we are and what we want. Language is changing - our labels are changing. Changing fast. Right now there are so many pride flags and we have to remember that folk still don't know what the rainbow flag means, what LGBT refers to. We cannot make an assumption that what and who we are is pretty obvious. There needs to be some give and take on both sides. 


For this reason, I think it is important that we have role models out there being visible and sharing information. See, not every trans person wants to be noticed. So many want to slink away, be accepted for their gender and have that as end of story. For some there is a belief that people can get things right straight away but that is not always so. You may just not want to talk about it. Fair enough. I get that and I understand wanting to quietly get on with it. 


The problem is that there is a lack of understanding out there, so we do need some role models shouting out and explaining things:  being highly visible. This is not an easy thing and it can be dangerous. 


Also it is very easy to get wrong. Caitlyn Jenner does not seem to live on this planet. Douche as a male, douche as a female. Gigi Gorgeous is possibly just an idiot. There was the big scandal about her heading to Dubai and not getting let in because she is transgender. No shit Sherlock. 'Gender Deviance' is illegal out there. That is how that country operates and you should check things like this before you go. I don't agree that it is right but this is the real world and trans rights have a long way to go. When you go making a fuss about these things you just make us look stupid as a community. I wouldn't go flying to many, many countries. Just cause you are a c-list celebrity, doesn't mean that the real world doesn't apply. 


Luckily, there are folks out that that do spread the message and do so well. Here are a few of my current favs, who make use of different media. I write as that is my method for spreading the word. And talking. I talk a lot. Sometimes a have an audience and they cannot move from their seat cause it is rude. I like that J but others have different methods of communication. 



A month or so from the time of writing I will be attending a talk by Sophie Labelle.  Sophie is an artist using her talents to explain the issues facing the trans community. Her cartoons are sharp and to the point. Best of all, they are succinct and explain what I ramble on about in a thousand words in three short images. Want to understand pronouns, check this one out! 




want to know the wrong way to deal with accidentally misgendering someone, here ya go:




I wrote a massive blog on that - this explains it much better and way quicker. 



That said, she has come under fire for being visible, for being trans. If you stand up you will get pushed around. No wonder so many folk are so scared to come out as trans. Thank goodness for folk like Sophie. She maintains a good, strong and clear message without getting bitter. Exactly the sort of role model we need. 


So I was bloody horrified to hear that she was getting grief from the trans community too. The claim is that she is making money off 'the pain of others' who are transitioning. Shut up. Sit down. You stupid peoples. Sophie gets points across clearly and quickly, as I state above. Way better than I do. We are lucky to have her speaking up. I really look forward to meeting her next month. 





Another current favourite trans advocate is the YouTuber Claire Michelle https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtCSrYbGbzmeLPNJYFuD50A .  

 I have been following Claire since she first appeared on YouTube and I have always enjoyed her videos. Of late though she has been doing a more informative type of video pretty much sharing ideas that share 'how to be a good trans person'. Explaining that we need to be patient with folk and we need to educate. That we need to be clearer and not mix our message. All with a massive grin on her face whilst she talks. I think that if I smiled that much my face may crack - but then I'm a grumpy punk. 




I really like her message and I think she is a fantastic role model for our trans community. Plus, she is a kick ass musician. I may have accidentally been a bit rude about folk music over at the music magazine I write for. I was actually trying to be complimentary. And then over compensated with a ramble apology. And there we go - I sometime miss the point I want to make. I think her message is clear and that is the trick to a good trans role model. Her music is also darn ace - I won't go on here, especially as I am saving it for a review. But check out her album here and give her some deserved love:




Fox Fisher has been putting out quality educational videos for ages. Fox is non binary and I have learnt a lot about what that means watching their videos, whether on their personal YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/tigersnack or through the My Genderation channel https://www.youtube.com/user/MyGenderation that had a whole bunch of different trans folks sharing their views and opinions on life. Indeed, the greatness of My Genderation is that there are trans-men, trans-women, gender fluid, non-binary etc folk featured. So important.  




As trans evangelicals it is important that we explain more than just our own personal state of transiness, but all others too when we can. I can only really talk about being a trans-female as that is my experience. Fox gathered a range of folks so that the channels can be as informative as possible.

That said, when you talk about things that folk don't understand, such as being non-binary in a non-binary relationship  you are gonna attract hate.  And wow, what a lot of hate. Sod it - keep going Fox. You are star for trans rights. This was a fantastic way to hit back!


"They live amongst us."





I'm not going to go on too much, but I will leave you with one more person to think about and that is the singer Fat Mike from the punk band NOFX. I have just listened and written a review of the new album First Ditch Effort. it will be out shortly on the (self-promo) AWESOME http://apathyandexhaustion.com/ website. NOFX have always pushed the boundaries and I think it is fair to say that many things they say are pretty crass. 


Unhelpful? Maybe. But I have always been able to take it all with a pinch of salt. See, there is the song My Vagina, all about sex change. Crass as all hell and somewhat of a joke. Yet, there was always something about it that made me think that it was not meant in a nasty way. Plus, it actually had some informative lyrics in there. 




Don't ask me why - just a gut feeling. Sure, it would be easy to hate on it and be offended but I just wasn't. So many time NOFX go on about equality etc and it never sat right that they were such hypocrites. Many times they actually advocate, in their way, for equal LGBTI rights in their songs. When Against Me! needed a musician to stand in on the album for recording after Laura Jane Grace came out as trans, there was Fat Mike stepping in. Also notice the videos where he is in drag - he walks easily in heels. 


In the new album, Fat Mike comes out as a cross dresser on the song I'm a Transvest-lite. Again, in his way. In an interview with AltPress he says: 


“I used to live so much of my life in private but I’ve slowly started going to parties and out in public without being embarrassed of my true identity and that confidence just transferred over to my entire life,” he continues. “When you’re dressed in rubber and heels and corset and you’re waiting in line for an Omelette in Jamaica, well, after that there’s nowhere else to go.”




I actually think that this is a very important song. From a well know, famous punk rocker, coming out as a cross dresser is a pretty big thing. It just isn't done and is pretty groundbreaking. Binary transitioned figures are more and more visible. Non-binary figures are becoming visible. Having someone stand up for cross dressers is pretty cool. The lyrics are fantastic and the song is pretty good too. Check it out - track 7 on this playlist. (Sorry - I cannot skip to it here - it is playlist only. I will ask them to release it as a single!) 




So yes. We need good role models and these are some of the ones I think are good for the trans community.  Personally I am doing my best to become one myself. I am putting myself out there. I am opening up. I am expecting hate but I can't say I am too bothered about that. I am happy and I hope I am helping. 


Of course, there is a bunch more folks I could talk about. 


Another time!

Friday, 22 July 2016

No one wants to be trans*



Here's the thing: no one wants to be trans*. Seriously. I would not wish being trans* on anyone. It sucks. There is no upside. Really, nothing. I'm not just saying that - I don't see one.


When I write this blog, I try to explain how things are but I try to keep things upbeat. Sure, I touch on realities and that can be quite jarring. But I have always tried to point out the positives. This isn’t a whinge. I just want to let you in on my life. I don’t need encouragement, niceness, etc. I don’t need pity. I’m fine and I will get on with it. No amount of nice words will take away the constant drain that life has for you if you are trans*. You learn to get on with it. I do get on with it. 


But right now I am weary and in some way, maybe sharing my negative thoughts will provide the most insight.


Now, don't get me wrong. If you are trans*, then I fully recommend transition if it is possible. Coming out and going for it relieved so much mental pressure from my mind. It freed me in ways most folk will never understand. It allowed people to know who I am. Not the shell, but the ghost inside. It freed my soul and allowed me to live. 


But, in many ways, that what being trans* is - the ghost in the shell. I am stuck in a body that is always going to feel alien to me. No matter what I do, it will always fall short. I can change things, and yes things have changed, but I can't ever imagine feeling that my skin is my own. What I see in the mirror every day hurts. 


I'm gonna skip trans* folk that live in such gross realities that they cannot transition - I'll focus on those of us that are lucky enough to. Transition does improve your situation but you're still just making the most of a bum deal. 


Every day I appear in public and I get stared at. Every day. Today I was outside a building for about 5 mins and every single person looked over at me as they passed. I stand out as a freak show attraction. You hope when you begin that you will get to the stage where you get clocked less and less. Right now, I do get clocked, always. When I don't, it is only because those folks are so busy with their own world that I don't even show up on their radar. I love it when that happens.


My best state of being is totally unnoticed. 


Most people that see me see a man in a dress - I can tell. Be it the stares, the points, the accepting smiles. Yes, even the positive reinforcement singles me out and reminds me of what I am. Folks cannot see a woman when they see me. The numerous 'sir' and 'him' aimed in my direction prove that. I'm sure some trans* folk get it worse. Some get it less, and I feel so happy for them. Truth is: I stand out.


And I notice every single look that comes my way. 


Will this improve? I dunno. Right now, I doubt it. Every day I wake up and hope that I look different. Every single day. I see the changes from time to time, and I feel great about them. But the world soon reminds me of what I am and my place in that world. 


Facial feminisation surgery, FFS. Oh that I had the money to get surgery. The results can be great, although I assume that normally the results are more of a nudge in the right direction than a miracle cure.


This isn't about feeling ugly. This is about my features specifically marking me out on a day to day basis. You can say “oh, but you look great the way you are”, “no need for surgery”, “your features are you and they are great”. No, they are a reminder that I am born wrong. Don’t try to make me feel better about them because I never will. I will put that to one side. It will not rule my life. But whatever I do, everyone knows I am trans*. And so do I.


There is a lyric by Against Me!:
"In her dysphoria's reflection, she still saw her mother's son." (From Paralytic States on Transgender Dysphoria Blues.) 


People misgender me because my features misgender me. 


Even by folks that know I 'identify' (what a ridiculous term) as she, her, hers. Something about what they see just triggers a 'Clara = male' response. Happens. Some folk do it on purpose (NB. no longer talking about friends here). I had a street preacher specifically say "hello SIR" to me a little while back. I thought I looked pretty good that day. Foolish me. The moment is still embedded in my mind, weeks later.


So yes, I would jump at surgery if only to blend in just a little. To get some respite from being noticed.


Trans* women get flack for saying that we 'have to' wear makeup / have long hair / wear very clearly feminine styles / shave legs etc. Sure, we are all free to do what we want. But guess what, all the crap we get on a daily basis is just magnified should I not make sure I have a face full of makeup when I leave the house. As poor as it is, it is my best chance of being accepted for who I am. It doesn't mean that people look over and say "oh, woman" but at least it makes them thing "ah, that thing thinks it's a woman". Funny, if I didn't wear makeup, cut my hair, wore androgynous clothes I would no doubt get stared at less - but I would NEVER get correctly gendered. Bloke in a dress is at least closer to what I am than bloke. It is an improvement even if the result still falls way below acceptable. It is the best I can get. Woohoo. 


So yes, I really do have to make the effort - course the payoff is making myself a beacon for stares and hate. I really don't have a choice.


Oh, and don’t tell me to do what I want, or accept how I am; that gender doesn’t matter. Guess what, I can’t get over it and gender does matter to me. That’s like telling someone with depression to cheer up. Someone with cancer to get better. Ridiculous. Do you not think I try to ‘get over it’? I’ve spent my life trying to push it aside, accept it. It doesn’t work. The high suicide rates for the transgender population prove that.


Yes, some folks have worse lives, get worse deals. But that doesn’t mean that my life is great. I still hate what I am – even if I look at others and know they have it worse. Getting run over by a car and dying instantly may be better than a slow death by drowning, but neither are really options you want.


Every time I get a stare, a point between friends, a sympathetic smile I am reminded of myself. I am never allowed to just be. Every time I get misgendered, it stabs me hard. But, more than that, it makes me a target. Trans* people are the most at risk minority for being on the receiving end of hate crimes percentage/ population wise. I read stories about beatings, threats, abuse and murders nearly every day just because someone is trans*. More so in some countries, more so if a trans-woman of colour.


Our choice is to live a lie and not get abuse or be open and take it. I see why so many ‘leaders’ say that being trans* is a life choice…


I live in a world where advanced, first world countries have laws saying that I can be leagally discriminated against, that I can be arrested if I use the bathroom, kicked out of my home or job. Even where there are laws in place to prevent workplace discrimination I am far less employable than a cis-female for the jobs I should have (and they themselves are less employable than cis-males). When last looking for a job I got zero responses for the applications where I stated that I am trans*. Any replies I got were from jobs where I skipped that bit.


We live in a world where my very existence offends people on the grounds of religion because of what they read into some texts. I expect a trip to the US towards the end of the year and we are trying to figure out how to ask manufacturers to invite us to facilities in states where I can pee in peace. What the hell? I just want to look at machines and spend a huge quantity of someone else's money. Every time I head to the bathroom I try to be as unnoticeable as possible. Busy bathrooms freak me out. I try to pee as quietly as I can because I know I make the wrong sounds. And if I am out, I will do everything I can to wait until I am home just avoid any snide looks. And this is in a country where I do not face being arrested because I am breaking the damn law.


I don’t even wanna start discussing dating. Just, ugh. But when I have some creepy guy come up to me and ask me what genitals I have (and they do), then tell me I am lucky that they are even interested in me and I will not get any better offers – he may be right. Not that I’ll drop my standards to accepting that. But he may be right.


Not that I can let anyone near me, creep or not, because of how I feel about myself.


When I hear of a new group/ meetup/ event, or folks wanna go to a bar or somewhere new I freeze – fearful of what to expect. Even going to the cinema may provide a chance for someone to make me feel like hell. I stick to LGBT venues and clubs because I know that they ‘safe’ and I will be accepted. This is why attacks on gay venues scare so many of us – these are our safe places, our refuges. They may be viewed as party places, but their meaning is far deeper than that. 


I see the hate directed online to those that make themselves known. As much as I want to live in the shadows and just get on with life, I can't. Partially I stand out. Partially, I am stronger than that. I can take it when others can't, so I need to stand up and be a shield. Not in a ‘wearing a mask and cape’ kinda way, or even in a shouty way. But just by not blending in. Making my voice heard.


I see transgender people stand up and make themselves visible and I see them get knocked about and upset. Tonight I watched a bunch of brave kids on youtube get upset just because they let people know they exist. No one should have to put up with that. I’d rather that hate was aimed at me than some 20 something girl. Heck, one of these girls was 12. Who the hell aims hate at a 12 year old? Try that with me.


In some ways, my clear trans* status makes me a good person to do so. I don't hide. I draw attention to myself with clothing or hair (not that the purple lasted long this time...). I guess I am already a target so I make myself a larger one. In that way people have to accept the fact that trans-folk walk amongst them. I am here, and I make sure folks don't forget that. And I try to do so without being militant or pushy. I try to let folks know I am there and I am just one of them - a human. I try to see both sides of an argument, even when I am under attack for existing. I will listen. I will address questions. And I will try to make my answers as clear and understandable as possible. We don’t want special treatment – we want normal treatment.


I will stand up and say "I am trans*, I am proud and I am allowed to be. This is who I am".

I just leave out the bit where I wish I wasn't.